Serious Bad-Asses

Septimius Severus
Septimius Severus

No Bacon family trip to London would be complete without a visit to the British Museum, which has one of the greatest collections of antiquities in the world. And no visit to the British Museum  would be permissible without a couple of hours devoted to the Greco-Roman section.

I learned two things from my visit  First, I came away with a better understanding of how Greek culture was transmitted to Rome. I had always assumed that Rome absorbed Greek mythology, art and other cultural attributes when it conquered the Greek-speaking Macedonians, Seleucids and Ptolemies (Cleopatra, anyone?) with their great cities of Athens, Antioch and Alexandria. In fact, the Greek influence had begun far earlier — when Rome conquered the Greek city states of Taranto (on the mainland) and Syracuse (in Sicily) two centuries before. The Greeks had colonized southern Italy long before the Romans had gotten around to conquering it. The term “Phyrric victory” comes from the Greek General Phyrrus of Epirus (in Greece proper) who aligned himself with the Greeks on the Italian peninsula and whose tactical military victories were so costly that he lost the war. Later, when Hannibal crossed the Alps and hoped to conquer Rome, he allied himself with the recently conquered Gauls in the north of the Italian peninsula and with the old Greek city-states in the south. It took the Romans twenty years to chase him out. Anyway, the Romans ended up borrowing much of their culture from their conquered Greek holdings.

Bad-ass emperor... the Dude looks like he coud have taken on Mike  Tyson
This Dude looks like he could have taken out Mike Tyson

The second thing I learned was that some of the Roman emperors were serious bad-asses. The British Museum didn’t put it that way. But you can just tell by looking at their marble busts.

The portrait at top is of Septimius Severus, generally regarded as one of Rome’s five “good” emperors in the late 2nd/early 3rd century — at the peak of the empire. I forgot to take down the names of the other two, but they both rose to power through the military. You could not climb to the top of the heap of the Roman army and defeat two or three rival generals for the emperor slot in a bloody civil war without being a serious bad-ass. And the dude above looks like he could have chewed up modern American leaders like George Bush or Barack Obama and picked his teeth with their bones.

You don't mess around with this guy. And no matter how bad it bothers you, you do NOT mention that it looks like he's got a booger hanging from his right nostril.
You don’t mess around with this guy. And no matter how bad it bothers you, you do NOT mention that it looks like he’s got a booger hanging from his right nostril. (Click to see a close-up.)

This fellow doesn’t look like he takes a lot of guff either.

I’ll tell you this, Rome spent spilled a lot of blood and treasure fighting the Iranians (back then, they were called the Parthians). If the Parthians had been working on a nuclear bomb (or whatever the equivalent would have been in the 2nd century A.D., like a catapult that hurled two-ton rocks), I have no doubt they would have marched right over there and kicked some serious butt. Whether they would have marched back alive or not is another question.

— JAB


Share this article



ADVERTISEMENT

(comments below)



ADVERTISEMENT

(comments below)


Comments

8 responses to “Serious Bad-Asses”

  1. This was a real pleasure to read. We have a lot to learn from the Roman experience, so I recommend Gibbon, which I’m into for the second time. There are a host of “bad asses” for sure, but social, economic, political and religious complexities within the Empire that offer us many useful perspectives.

  2. NoVaShenandoah Avatar
    NoVaShenandoah

    An interesting article, and many lessons there.

    Now, if England would only return what they have stolen …

  3. Lionel Hutz Avatar
    Lionel Hutz

    I have never commented before, but the number of errors in this short post cried out for comment. First, Severus was not one of the “five good emperors” as that term refers to the Nerva-Antonine dynasty that ran from the end of the 1st to the middle of the 2nd century AD. Severus was the last of the competent emperors before the Crisis of the Third Century. But even his immediate successors, known as the Severans, were generally weak and vain rulers. Second, to conflate the Pathians with the Iranians is simply false, though the geographical area that the Parthians ruled encompassed all of modern Iran. Lastly, Severus’ defeat of the Pathians would pave the way for their fall and for the rise of the Sassanian Empire in its wake, a foe that would be much more problematic for Rome and one that would exact tribute (a yearly bribe) from Rome for over 200 years in order to maintain the peace after repeated defeats of the Roman Army.

    For what it’s worth, the second photo is almost certainly of Caracalla, widely regarded as one of the worst emperors to ever rule. He was only a badass if you had the misfortune to be his brother. It was Caracalla’s indulgence of the army that led to a precipitous decline in the professionalism of the Roman Army and largely sapped its effectiveness as a fighting force.

    1. Lionel, I stand corrected on the characterization of Severus as one of the “five good emperors.” I accede to your superior knowledge of the subject.

      I believe you are right, Caracalla is indeed the identity of the second emperor. You know your stuff! He may have been one of the worst emperors to rule. I didn’t suggest that he was a good ruler — only that he was a badass. Surely you must admit, he meets that qualification.

      As for the Iranians/Parthians, yeah, yeah, the Parthians ruled much of what is now modern-day Iraq as well, so they can’t be equated with modern-day Iran. But, if Wikipedia can be believed, they spoke “a now-extinct ancient Northwestern Iranian language,” so there was some cultural connection with the people who are considered today to be Iranians.

      1. Yes, both Iran and southeastern Iraq share that “Parthian” heritage and we are still paying the price for it, in the religious wars today between the Shiite and Sunni factions of the Muslim world (the former roughly aligned with the geography of Persia’s cultural influence in the post-Roman world).

  4. larryg Avatar

    If you look around the world – at the countries – and island countries and note the past (and present) influence of British, French, Spanish – and Dutch (perhaps others) influence – it’s quite impressive.

    Indeed – a glance at North America will illustrate the British, French and Spanish influence on the beginnings of our country.

    I’m kinda amused on the “bad ass” idea especially when I think of folks like Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Mao Tse-tung , Franco and dozens others who were just as ruthless and vicious… (at least in my mind).

    then the Spaniards seem to be especially venal towards Middle and South Americans – and ourselves even – not to be outdone by our own treatment of Native Americans and slaves.

    then in our own country – the likes of the “Coal and Iron Police”… America’s own despots….

    1. NoVaShenandoah Avatar
      NoVaShenandoah

      I think the main difference is that the Romans were ‘bad asses’ against their equals. On the other hand, the Spanish, English, Dutch, and ‘we’ were ‘bad asses’ with those weaker than us. In other words, the Romans were tough, we are basically bullies.

      1. larryg Avatar

        I think you have it.

        Speaking of bullies, I saw one of the dumbest movies I’ve even seen the other night – The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean – a ruthless ignoramus if there ever was one…..

        Poor Paul Newman.. and Ned Beatty

        here are some of the “quotes”:

        http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068853/quotes

Leave a Reply