A friend of mine, whom I will identify only by his nom de plume, Veritatus, has offered the following satire of the Wrenn cross controversy at William & Mary. I will say only this about our pseudonymous contributor: He, like me, is not particularly religious. But he, like me, is distressed by political correctness that expunges our historical heritage. Unlike me, he is a W&M alumnus, which means he’s reaallllyy mad.

This happened in early 2001…

In Afghanistan supreme Taliban leader Mullah Mohammed Omar has issued an edict against un-Islamic graven images, which means all idolatrous images of humans and animals. As a result, the Taliban are destroying all ancient sculptures. Explosives, tanks, and anti-aircraft weapons blew apart two colossal images of the Buddha in Bamiyan Province, 230 kilometers (150 miles) from the capital of Kabul.

Let’s fast forward to late 2006…

At the College of William and Mary in Virginia, Supreme PC Taliban Mullah Gene Nichol has issued an edict against all un-PC images, most notably the Christian cross or any other artifacts of the College’s unfortunate past linked to the Church of England, the Protestant Episcopal Church in Virginal or any other historical references to Christian or other religious connections that that College may have had. Mullah Nichol indicated that by starting in the chapel by removal of the altar cross, he is sending a strong message that more vigorous measures are to follow.

Renovation of the chapel soon will begin because, though a reconstruction of an earlier chapel, the present form and furnishings comport with 17th and 18th century Anglican requirements for a Christian place of worship — a PC heresy.

The next more dramatic step will be to pull down and destroy the large statue (adjacent to Blair hall) of the College’s founding president (1693) James Blair who served as both a minister of the Church of Scotland and the Church of England. During his long tenure as William and Mary president, Mr. Blair also served as the Bishop of London’s Commissary in Virginia, making him the Anglican Church’s leader in a colony that had no bishop.

Mr. Blair’s statue presents him in the garb of an Anglican clergyman of his day. Public display of such vestments at a liberal arts university such as William and Mary has also been declared PC-heretical by Mullah Nichol along with free thought and free speech and common sense.

Mullah Nichol has also decreed that a vigorous campaign to purify the campus of all historical Christian symbolism or reference will be on-going and may include public burning of the original charter or at least a replica of same if the original cannot be found. References therein dwell upon the training of young men for the Christian ministry. King William and Queen Mary were co-heads of the Church of England making all future reference to them inappropriate. Sources indicate that the school may need to be renamed because of this heretical tie to Christian monarchs.

As leader of the secular religion of PC at William and Mary, Mullah Nichol will soon rename the College. Mullah Nichol Taliban U. may be selected.