Bacon's Rebellion

Democracy Thrives in Sunlight

10 Annoying Things About Virginia

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by

James A. Bacon
in

Sure, we’re smart and prosperous, but some things still turn my crank.

There’s a New Old Dominion afoot. As evidence, Barack Obama is using the state as an economic model for the rest of the country. Virginians, thanks partly to federal money and nudges, are smarter, more prosperous and more productive than ever before. And, they are becoming politically bluer and more moderate than ever before.

Wonderful, but there are still some things that really bug me. For your amusement and just to keep us modest, here’s a list:

Barbecue sandwiches. In Virginia , BBQ isn’t on the level of, say, Eastern North Carolina , but it is perfectly OK. The problem is the buns. They always use these cheap, white hamburger buns that disintegrate when you pick them up. BBQ slops all over your lap. If you have an important meeting after lunch, you end up looking like an incontinent derelict.

Court costs. Have you ever given in to temptation while driving alone in Northern Virginia and gone onto the HOV-3 lanes when it isn’t the legal time yet? At the roadblock, the State Policeman cheerfully hands you the ticket as if you have just won the State Lottery. Of the $120 penalty, most goes to “court costs.” What are those, exactly?

The new state capitol building. After all those millions, the new underground part of Thomas Jefferson’s masterpiece has all the style of an airport terminal. The old amenities are gone, such as Chickens snack bar where you could get hand-squeezed limeades and good Brunswick stew. Gone is the Old South ambience where you could almost hear those seersucker-clad ghosts proclaim that God has a special place for Negroes and that Massive Resistance is a great idea.

For the rest of the list, click on https://www.baconsrebellion.com/Issues08/08-25/Galuszka.php

Peter Galuszka

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2 responses to “10 Annoying Things About Virginia”

  1. Groveton Avatar
    Groveton

    Gooze:

    Great list!

    Some thoughts –

    1. BBQ – VA need to give up. Tennessee, Texas and NC own the brand. Copy them? Fine. But VA needs a “home grown food”. Ham is intereting but there’s got to be a dish involved, not just an ingredient. Ham what? Could be something for the GA to put at the top of their priority list.

    2. Court Costs. Not again. I wonder if everywhere in VA has the same court costs. Or, are we looking at another soak NoVA ploy? I have never gotten a ticket (35 years and counting) so I don’t know much about this.

    3. New State Capitol – Never went to the old one, no plans to visit the new one. Jefferson hated Richmond or he would have suggested that city as US Capital. All tributes to TJ should be in Charlottesville. Maybe a permanent statue hanging Harry F. Byrd in effigy?

    4. Matrixes. Or is it matrices? I don’t even know how to pluralize the word. Obviously, I’ll be of no help with this one.

    5. Saltwater fishing license. I guess the GA owns the ocean. I fish NC and Maryland – never Virginia. I don’t know about any Virginia fishing licenses. I wouldn’t pay for a Virginia license even if I did fish in Virginia. Maybe I’d get to learn about court costs that way. But really … pay for a saltwater fishing license in a state that has the rainbow trout as its state fish? The rainbow trout? OK – We need a new state fish to go with the new state song. More priority work for the always useful GA.

    6. State seal. I kind of like it. At least it’s different. We could try for a flag like the one Maryland uses – looks like a dog threw up its breakfast on a sheet. OK, you win. Add the state seal to the state fish to the state song as GA priorities. I know that won’t leave much time for budgets, transportation or immigration but that’s OK … the GA’s sweet spot has always been superficial.

    7. Overweening Anglophilia – Don’t get me started. You mean like the “Descendants of Pocohontas” being the “First Families of Virginia”?

    8. Declining print news media. Who cares? I am sorry but the Washington Post has done a heinous job of covering Virginia for as long as I can remember. Goodbye. And the Richmond Times-Dispatch? I had to listen to the preppy dingbats from Richmond yap about that rag for 4 years in Charlottesville. Children write better stuff. Blogs, feeds, local cable TV, YouTube – the future is now.

    9. Anglo-Speak. You mean terms like “Overweening Anglophilia”? I never thought I’d hear something like that outside of London. Heal thyself Gooze.

    10. Birthplace fetish. No kidding. And reality is beside the point in this area. Who can forget George Allen (Fairfax County resident) staring at a Northern Virginia kid (Virginia-born of Indian ancestry) and telling the crowd of RoVA supporters that in the real Virginia people like Mecaca don’t show up at political rallies. Or something like that. It’s not enough for these dolts to be “Virginia – born”. You have to be “Real Virginia born” and a White Anglo – Saxon Protestant as well. A UVA student born in Fairfax, VA to legally immigrated Indian parents doesn’t cut it but a 10th grade drop out with a pouch of Red Man in one hand and a Republican Party banner in the other does. When Bobby Jindal can be the governor of Louisiana while a senator from Virginia insults a native born Virginian for having dark skin there is a problem. Louisiana is more modern and more enlightened than Virginia? Lousiana? I mean really … Louisiana? Hang you head in shame RPV.

  2. Tyler Craddock Avatar
    Tyler Craddock

    Groveton — new state song and new state fish? Sounds like a job for George Grayson.

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