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Extra,
extra! Read all about it!
"Congrats
to The Choir Boy! Religious intolerance and
diversity wins again?"
Doggone
it! Wrong story.
"Warner
Democrats say the Blue Dog's bite is JUST as bad as
his bark."
Oops!
Wrong story again…
"Gov.
Mollycoddle is hailed as the second coming of
Southern-snake charmer, former president Bill
Clinton, after Tim 'The Choir Boy' Kaine wins the
Virginia gubernatorial election."
That’s
the political ticket and today’s column. Because
many Democrats don’t care to see Bill Clinton on
the ballot again.
For
those who really care about Clinton and the 22nd
Amendment? Bubba lives! Don't you know, he's alive
and well, living in the Virginia governor's mansion
until the 2006 New Year. Yesireebubba!
Apparently,
nationwide Democrats are saying it's time for the
"sensible center" to return to their
bipolar, alternative universe acknowledged in
quasi-liberal political circles as the fiscally
conservative Democratic-doublespeak.
Otherwise
known in these parts of rural Virginia as the
fiscally conservative Gov. Mollycoddle tax-and-spend
two-step.
After
Democrat Tim Kaine's media-acclaimed, faith-based,
tour-de-grace and trendsetting issueless campaign,
which led to a Virginia gubernatorial victory over
archconservative bad boy Republican Jerry Kilgore.
Now, the Democratic Leadership Council has
resurrected outgoing Mark Warner's hopes and
aspirations and his bank account with thoughts of
capturing the Democratic presidential nomination in
2008.
Our
governor, the Connecticut-educated Yankee attorney
and darn-lucky millionaire business entrepreneur
turned boy-next door gubernatorial candidate is
selling his fortunes and misfortunes on the
presidential-information highway and Democratic
chicken-dinner circuit.
Why?
Because history says somebody told him about
cellular telephones while he worked as a
congressional staffer, and he had an opportunity to
go out and talk to some people who had been
financially successful, and on and on and on. Did
Mark Warner invent the car phone? Err, please - did
Al Gore invent the Internet? Not a chance, not a
chance. Zero, zip, zilch.
However,
in 2001, boyish-looking Mark Warner did magically
morph himself as a bluegrass-loving NASCAR fan and
fiscal no-tax-increase conservative along with being
a Southern-bred and -cultured Democrat, and he is
currently preparing for a run to the White House
Rose Garden.
There's
no doubt that Gov. Mollycoddle has adopted the
mannerisms of a Southern Democratic and fiscal
conservative politician for his White House
shenanigans. He has the issue bling-bling!
Because
President George Bush has totally mismanaged the
federal, national, trade, Iraq war,
prescription-drug-discount and homeland-security
debt. Ooh, those weapons of mass economic
destruction.
Gov.
Warner should have little to no problem selling his
brand of Commonwealth, Clintonesque-styled tax hikes
and impose his philosophical version of fiscal
discipline on the national level. Ooh! The Blue Dog
seriously doubts Warner will mention his
double-digit state surplus while on the road to the
White House…
Quiet
on the presidential set! Film at 11.
On
his website, Gov. Warner wrote, "The real
issues we face are no longer right versus left or
conservative versus liberal. They’re about past
versus future. Our challenge, as Democrats, is to
reclaim our role as the party of the future."
Whoa!
Blue, red and yellow doggies living in harmony,
holding hands, group hugs and sharing a Diet Coke
during the legislative session. Life is grand,
'taint it?
Fast
forward this
Last
week, the Warner political-action committee Forward
Together unveiled its new website and blog. I am
so-o-o-o-o happy you've created this site! The Blue
Dog can't wait! For your presidential-acting
announcements and tomfoolery across the countryside. And
my book sales to skyrocket!
While
it looks like the Third Floor finally graduated from
political preschool, maybe the Blue Dog is ready for
prime time, err - Fox News!
Third
Floor (n.): Gov. Mark Warner's offices, located on
third floor of the State Capitol building in
Richmond.
Hannity
and the Blue Dog - I love the cha-ching sound.
By the way, the Mollycoddle Web hype and
snoozapalooza blog is located here.
While
the national and local media headlines are blaring
...
The
Roanoke Times ... "Affirming the legacy of
Mark Warner."
U.S.
News & World Report ... "Virginia's
governor's race has plenty to tell Republicans - and
Democrats On Politics."
The
Virginia-Pilot ... "With Kaine Victory,
Warner Basking In The Spotlight."
The
Washington Examiner ... "Warner Gearing Up
For Presidential Run?"
The
Times-Dispatch ... "Warner on TIME'S List
of Top 5 Governors."
The
Boston Globe ... "McCain and Warner won’t
rule out ’08 run."
That's
more headlines than Mark Warner has blonde-hair
color formulas.
The
Virginian-Pilot reported, "Mary 'Mame' A.
Reilly, a longtime political confidante of Warner's,
said the (Warner's Forward Together PAC) committee
is planning fund-raising events around the country
next year."
Mame:
It must be raining Krispy Kreme doughnuts at the
PAC's headquarters! Because those tasty sugarcoated
treats have a black hole in the middle. Dream on,
Mame and Mollycoddle, because the White House is
still a primary pipe dream away - given that wading
through the political mist that surrounds your
pompous egos are Bubba's spouse, the former First
Lady, New York Sen. Hillary "Health Care"
Clinton.
In
the upcoming Democratic presidential primary, those
baby boomers hitting retirement age in 2008 are more
than likely going to vote for Ms. Hillary-Care over
Mr. Hair-Care.
Potential
GOP 2008 presidential candidate and Arizona senator
John McCain pointed out the Dame Hillary-factor to The
Boston Globe, saying, "If you underestimate
her, you do it at great risk."
Valley
conservative Republican and Virginia House of
Delegates member Chris Saxman told the Blue Dog,
"The question is not whether Warner's stock
went up, clearly it did. The question is can he beat
Hillary on the race to the middle. The answer is
no."
"In
a buy-low, sell-high world, Warner's stock price,
like many high-tech ventures, might have peaked on
Nov. 8th."
Insider
trading: Is Warner striking while his stock is hot?
Not being the shy, boyish-looking politician and
hungry for more Fast Forward Together PAC
contributions, Gov. Mollycoddle played political
possum on CBS's nationally syndicated public affairs
show "Face the Nation."
Warner
told TV viewers nationwide, ''I have not made any
decision. The first thing I want to do is finish
this job strong."
Oh
brother! Spare me a state-surplus dime.
--
November 28, 2005
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