|
The governor, it seems, is stumping Northern Virginia and
Hampton Roads in support of referenda this
November to bump up regional sales taxes. Jacking
up taxes to pay for road and transit projects –
now, that’s an “old economy” way to address
traffic congestion. I would have credited our
venture capitalist-turned-governor with more
imagination.
Virginia should take a page from the most successful tax-
and revenue-generation scheme since the invention
of the income tax: the successful litigation
against, and blackmailing of, “Big Tobacco”.
Think about it: Cigarette manufacturers produce and market
products that kill people and pollute the
atmosphere. Trial lawyers have brought the tobacco
companies to their knees, forcing them to pay
billions in reparation for past and future sins.
Meanwhile, smokers are paying so much for
cigarettes, and the taxes on them, that they need
to take out second mortgages to support their
habit – if they haven’t already defaulted on
the first.
What the governor, the General Assembly and the class-action
legal profession have all missed is the true
culprit in creating the traffic-related problems
– the auto manufacturers.
What’s the largest cause of accidental death in
America?
Automobiles. Why has our urban air quality gone
all to hell? Automobiles. What has drained our
downtowns of their vitality and caused
suburban/exurban sprawl? Automobiles. What about
the drivers, you ask? Don’t they bear some
responsibility? There you go, blaming the victim.
Of course not. In our society, there’s no
discernible connection between responsibility and
culpability. It’s all about who has the deepest
pockets.
The first step is to find some plaintiffs attorneys willing
to file a class action suit against the automobile
manufacturers for the reasons cited above. The
merits of the case are irrelevant. All we have to
do is pile on with enough lawsuits in enough
jurisdictions that Detroit (or Toyota City, as the
case may be) feels compelled to settle. Once
we’ve won our billions in boodle, the General
Assembly can divvy it up through everybody’s
favorite form of pork barrel: road projects in
their home districts.
The fun doesn’t end there. After we’ve sucked the auto
manufacturers dry, we could re-institute the car
tax. First, we’d go after the arrogant Yuppies
in their Jaguars and BMWs. Then we’d move
downstream to those obnoxious SUVs, and then, when
people were numbed to the inevitable, to other
makes and models. Within a few short years, people
would start moving back to cities – at least
those with bus lines. Teenagers would stop driving
under the influence. Smog would roll away, birds
would sing, couples would stroll hand-in-hand, and
we wouldn’t have to watch any more of those
odious car-dealer ads on television.
The path to paradise isn’t painless of course. A few
people would lose their jobs – auto salesmen,
car mechanics, gas pump jockeys. But with our
bountiful tax proceeds, we could retrain them for
the jobs of the future. Once the cars are gone, someone
will have to fix all those bicycle tires and
re-shoe those horses.
So there. That’s it. Why didn’t somebody think of this
before?
--
September 30, 2002
|
